KRANK! Haben die SkSKidz über den Scharktank gejumpt?

 

Bittersweet vindication today for those who’ve been trying to warn us that all was not quite right mit dem SkSjugend.

There’s no amusing way to say this, so I’ll just blurt it out…

Someone at our sister site, Skeptical Science, has Photoshopped Hitler’s face onto John Cook’s body.

Now I’m no climate neurologist, but if you put a gun to my brain and demanded a differential diagnosis, I’d wager the hive-mind of SkS has just had a subarachnoid phrenzal embolism of the prefrontals, likely brought on by the good news people are calling ‘ClimAxed’ (to wit: reports that the US has pulled off a daring escape from the eco-masochism cult currently squatting on the banks of the Seine).

In layman’s terms, Trump Derangement Syndrome is real, it’s here, and it’s now.

And it’s not the sun. It’s not volcanoes. It’s not urban heat islands.

It’s not you. It’s me.

Hitler Cook shb Paris.jpg

Above (pictured): etwas hat im Kochkopf geschnappt, say scientists, adding, “His ‘shopping skills are worse than anyone thought!”

Was this idjit-prop meant to be enjoyed outside the reëntrant admiration graph that is the SkS treehouse? We may never know. But either way, you can’t fight a law of nature: art wants to be free, and so does dreck.

The mysterious benefactor who emailed our CEO this afternoon (as follows) has all the gaudy details. ■


DEAR SCEPTICUS, I WAS tooling around today at SkepticalScience—World’s Leading Antiskeptical Site For Nonscientists—when I accidentally penetrated all the tissues of John Cook’s professionally-coded, best-practice attempt at a security system. The details don’t really matter; suffice it to say I employed what hackers call a web browser, which has a hidden feature whereby you can type in literally any “URL” and it’ll automagically ‘navigate’ or ‘browse’ there, if you’ll pardon my geek-speak. (You can think of a URL as a bunch of letters and punctuation marks.)

Most of what I found on the Skexies’ server was procedural palaver of the sort any association of well-adjusted grownups would leave lying around: memos declaring Certainty Is Our Product; a strategy whitepaper for ‘Repositioning Climate Ragnarok from Gaseous, Pre-hypothetical Conjecture to Fact;’ and dark mutterings about ‘taking down’ people who disagree with them, ‘riping out [sic] their throats’ and ‘glassing the c*nts,’ bla bla yawn yawn.

But then I saw this.

[Paste ludicrous anti-Trump jpeg.]

Wow.

Let’s parse this image—or image, as they say in France, birthplace of Semiotics.

Every kindergarten student knows where the face comes from. He’s a Hitler!, with apologies to George Bush père. In fact, though, this photo doesn’t just depict any Hitler—it’s the patriarch and prototype of them all, by the name of Adolf—the guy who singlehandedly started the whole being-a-Hitler meme.

As a bit of an adolficionado myself, I can even tell you what Hitler The First was doing when the paparazzi took that makeup-free candid: he was clearing his throat for the great podium-splintering declamation at Klimanürnberg Stadium, 1932. Every preschooler knows the opening lines memoriter, even if (like me) they don’t understand a single syllable:

Aber man muß klar sagen: wir verteilen durch die Klimapolitik de facto das Weltvermögen um!! Daß die Besitzer von Gas, Kohle und Öl davon nicht begeistert sind, das liegt auf der Hand! Das liegt auf der Hand!!! Man muß, muß, muß sich von der Illusion freimachen, daß internationale Klimapolitik Umweltpolitik ist. Illusion! Das hat mit Umweltpolitik, mit Problemen wie Waldsterben und Ozonloch, fast nichts mehr zu tun. Fast nichts!!

That’s a black-belt seminar in oratory right there. A friend of mine teaches Gibberish As A Second Language, and she once made an astute comparison between early-20th-century German and URLs: you have to look between the nonsensical vowels and consonants to the part that conveys the speaker’s meaning. Id est, the punctuation.

I’ll give you a moment to silently reread it, but this time, really try to enjoy the sheer variety; it’s been said that Hitler never ended two sentences in a row with the same number of exclamation marks, and I can believe it. We’re in the presence of a master here.

The remainder of the photo, meanwhile, is jarring in its utter un-Naziish dorkhood. Say what you will about those S***********e, at least they knew how to shoot a cuff, tie a knot and choose the perfect eagle insignia to really bring out a skull-and-crossbones motif.

Penguins, srsly?!

So how exactly did Donald Hitrump come to be dressed as Prince Harry? The clumsily-composited clothes were a transparent anachronism, but where had I seen them before? It was on the tip of my brain.

Rather than rack my memory and ruin an already-borderline evening, I went to Goo…

[A litany of technical details follow that went over Scepticus’ head, so you’d have no chance.]

…bingo. How on heck could I forget this?

It was of course John Cook himself, mugging it up for his rsvp profile pic:

Himmler Cook original mit Adler.jpg

Mystery solved: Cook cannibalized his own [ahem] glamor shot. I’ve heard of recycling, and think it’s ridiculous, but this is even ridiculöser. Photo used with permission of  www.RSVP.com.

Chunder.

I hope you’re happy now, Cook. You’ve completely destroyed the Fascination of Fascism for me, and—thanks to this post—for a whole generation of blogonauts to boot. I can’t even enjoy Friday-Night-Is-Holocaust-Documentary-Night on SBS TV without a shudder of homo-emetic formication anymore.

Thanks a lot, p****g.

Is there a worse human being in terrestrial history than John Cook? Probably, but I’m drawing a blank.

Anyway, I’m off to find an exposed high-voltage cable to shower with. Regular bath-time sanding-off of the first three layers of one’s skin just won’t cut it after catching a glimpse of the above cheesecaquery—at times like this, you need 36-48 hours of retrograde amnesia. ■

TRIGGER WARNING

You really shouldn’t have looked directly at that second image, should you?

You must feel like a right goose. Or should I say, a right-wing goose-stepping antiquities broker who forgot the importance of always using a square of cardboard with a tiny hole in it when viewing solar eclipses:

toht

Tod of a Salesman: Wo ist Toht? Toht ist da. Was ist los mit Toht? Toht ist tot. Es ist brillig, Toht ist tot, das Grass ist naß, und die mohme Räther gribben aus.

TRIGGER WARNING WARNING

Because of our extreme centrewards leanings here at CliScep, we believe that issuing trigger warnings in advance is a steaming crock of Bolshevism that serves only to retard the evolution of girly-boys into womeny-men. Every hominid has the right—nay, the positive duty—to make its own mistakes, and (optionally) learn from them.

Think about it: do you teach your own kids about responsible gun use by locking the pistol cabinet and throwing away the key, like some taboo Tree of the Fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil? Of course not. Understanding firearm safety—truly understanding it—only comes from experiencing firearm accidents.

And in many ways we view you, our readers, as pre-verbal children to whom a loaded, unattended Desert Eagle can, under the right circumstances, speak louder than words.

8 thoughts on “KRANK! Haben die SkSKidz über den Scharktank gejumpt?

  1. You make funnies with the divine language of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and the Grim brothers? You are on my little list.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Alan Kendall says: 03 Jun 17 at 5:51 am

    “You make funnies with the divine language of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and the Grim brothers? You are on my little list”

    Allen,
    Nothing to do with your preferred expression of you hero writers! Only pearfict satire for all stinky emanations .of well known Climate Clowns! Can you never accept an alternate POV?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hehe… S toot mere light! Being shortlisted for something (Grimm disapproval? a Stern glare?) by an Alan is not something I take lightly, rest assured—your racial reputation rivals that of your cousins in gothicity, the Philistines Vandals.

    PS isn’t it nice that we can have these back-and-forths! Take a moment to appreciate that I’m not an Australian climate scientist (something for which I thank the FSM five times a day!)—because if I were I’d probably clip this whole thread out and add it to my scrapbook of electronically-received death threats, to be collated and compared with the rest of the faculty at year’s end, and the most-threatened climaturge being awarded the chair of David J. Karoly Professor For Grim Life.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Will, Alan’s cool. Unfortunately I seem to agree with him on everything so I can’t be 100% sure, but I get the feeling that if we did have what the Arabs call An Exchange of Views it would be all in good fun!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What the Duke Nukem? Is that meant to be something like the sport of Haispringung? Do I detect an allusion to one of the early scenes of Crystal Skull?

    Like

  6. Brad, Indeed our hero escapes a nuclear blast by sheltering within a fridge – ie something that strains credibility. Some recent anti-Trumpisms are worthy fridge material. wikki explains all.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s