The climate crisis has been successfully averted, scientists report today in a peer-reviewed article published in the Journal of Professional Experts. The paper’s authors canvassed world news stories from 2014 to 2024, searching for terms like “tackle the climate crisis” to independently assess the number of climate-mitigation projects that have been put in place worldwide.

“We hit the jackpot,” says lead author Eugene Chauve-Souris of the Washington, D.C. Institute of Politically-Neutral Investigation. “Taken together, at least 7.5 million projects have been run worldwide to tackle the climate crisis. Even if a significant number of those projects failed in their goals, it is still impossible to conclude otherwise than that humankind has successfully solved the problem.”

Professor Pip I. Strelle, an ontological epistemicist who was not involved in the study, said “What Chauve-Souris and his co-authors has done seems to add up. And it’s obvious that efforts to tackle climate change are ongoing today, even though such efforts are no longer necessary. Only a few days ago the UK’s BBC reported on a seaweed discovery that could help tackle climate change. Basically, the argument is, with so many efforts to tackle climate change underway across the globe, it is inconceivable that they have not yet, in sum, been successful.”

Asked what the implications of the study were for hurricanes, meteorologist Nyc Talus said, “Well, I would have thought that was obvious. There won’t be any hurricanes any more. There were no hurricanes before climate change, so there won’t be any now that climate change has successfully been averted.” The news comes as scientists confirm that the Earth has now spent an entire year in the “Danger Zone” of 1.5C above pre-industrial temperatures. However, it is expected that the situation will rapidly revert to normal now that the climate crisis has been tackled.

LINKS

Panel 1

BBC

GOV.UK (The funding is part of UK’s international efforts to help developing countries tackle climate change, including by pledging to spend £11.6 billion on international climate finance between 2021 to 2022 and 2025 to 2026.)

University of Birmingham

Tower Hamlets

Panel 2

Wandsworth

Weymouth Town Council

BMJ

Cannock Chase District Council

University of Leeds

British Council

Argyll & Bute Council

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17 Comments

  2. “The policy is completely batty.” Prof Daubenton – Max-Planck-Institut für Fledermausforschung

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great stuff Jit. Everything is so absurd these days that I didn’t see how you could possibly write an effective parody. But you solved that beautifully.

    However, I loved Professor Pip I. Strelle, the ontological epistemicist.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Phew, that was a close run thing! St Greta has just announced she is taking holy orders and joining a convent in Palestine.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. “Professor Pip I. Strelle, an ontological epistemicist who was not involved in the study, said “What Chauve-Souris and his co-authors has done ….”

    How dare Prof Strelle assume & likely misgender Chauve-Souris!

    Chauve-Souris has a track record of successful compo-harvesting, and is now on a flight to Scotland to claim his/her/its feelings have been affected by hurty words, and will demand Police Scotland prosecute the offender under its new powerful powers granted today. (NB – NOT an April Fool Joke!)

    https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/mar/31/scotlands-new-hate-act-what-does-it-cover-and-why-is-it-controversial

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Joe, thanks for persisting. I have deleted your earlier comment trapped in spam, since it is now effectively a duplicate.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thanks Mark. I have real challenges when responding to CliScep via my browser (Safari on a Mac). Sometimes they do appear. When a posting doesn’t appear, I never know for certain whether it’s in spam or the WordPress graveyard. Out of habit, I tend to copy the contents to my clipboard, but as the clipboard gets frequent use, I need to ‘re-post’ via the W Press website otherwise the content disappears into the ether. 😉

    Like

  10. More “news” that could qualify as an April Fool:

    “WaterUK at risk of summer water shortages and hosepipe bans, scientists warn

    Hot and dry conditions could force measures despite country experiencing wettest 18 months since records began”

    https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2024/apr/01/uk-risk-summer-water-shortages-hosepipe-bans-scientists-warn

    “…Leading scientists have said that because the UK is not storing its water properly, the country is vulnerable to the “all or nothing” rain patterns being experienced more frequently due to climate breakdown…”

    Perhaps I shouldn’t be so negative. I agree that it’s crazy that as the UK’s population has increased by over ten million, no provision has been made for new reservoirs. Perhaps if we weren’t wasting so much time, money and effort on net zero, we might be dealing with issues that do matter and, more importantly, can make a difference.

    I don’t believe the country is experiencing all or nothing rain patterns more frequently due to climate change. Certainly I see no evidence of it where I live, and anyone who pays any attention at all to history will understand that extreme rainfall and drought from time to time are simply features of the UK climate.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Mark: The UK is fortunate that some had the foresight and the political will decades ago to construct dams creating large reservoirs such as Thirlmere and Haweswater. Good luck with building significant infrastructure like that today even though with an increasing population such large reservoirs are needed. 

    I was amused by this comment in the accompanying Guardian article: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2024/apr/01/why-uk-facing-water-shortages-despite-record-rainfall-explainer

    Before the impacts of climate breakdown became painfully apparent, the UK was a country that could rely on rainfall year-round. Why bother investing in water storage in a perpetually soggy country?

    It seems the 1976 drought has already been forgotten and reservoirs such as Thirlmere and Haweswater have been erased from history.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. JIT Dr. Barb Astelle of Norwich wishes to complement you on your fine April First piece but warns you to be more cautious of Prof. Pip I Strelle, who is rather common.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. “….. no provision has been made for new reservoirs.”

    Well, there were proposals, Mark.

    However, Greenies objected! The same Greens who now whinge at the consequences od their actions.

    https://www.greenoxfordshire.com/abingdon_mega_reservoir

    The same Greens instrumental in encouraging tens of thousands more to flood across the channel, and so exacerbate already stretched resources.

    Ayn Rand nailed it: “You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.”

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Thanks, Jit. You sent me down a right old rabbit hole. (Bat hole?) I spent hours googling stuff connected to the photo you posted above in which children had scrawled ‘Save the World!’, ‘Free Palestine!’ and ‘Save the Bees!’ It turned out – quelle surprise! – that there are lots of state-funded arty-farty outfits out there peddling climate panic and partisan politics to children.

    Here’s the outfit that organised the event at Tower Hamlets town hall last November during which children wrote those exhortations:

    https://globallearninglondon.org/lets-be-clear-this-is-a-human-rights-issue/

    We are aware that as educators, we cannot share or offer our political views, but rather provide a listening space for our students, staff and school community. … Global Learning London stands with the Palestinian people’s continuous struggles towards liberation and decolonisation…

    Which seems a bit self-contradictory.

    But not as much as the page linked below that quote in which GLL says this:

    Some teachers have argued that school should be a place free of politics – we argue that the decision not to teach about global injustice is a political stance itself.

    Much more honest. I think I’m starting to understand what GLL means by ‘a listening space’.

    But what about ‘global learning’?

    https://www.thegloballearningnetwork.org/global-learning/what-is-global-learning/

    Hmmm. A lot of blather ending with a fake quote.

    Here’s another state-funded arty-farty outfit that was involved with the Tower Hamlets event:

    https://coneyhq.org/blog/on-trust/

    Psychological inoculation games. Climate crisis denial, Liz Truss’s disastrous budget, anti-vaxxers, Sander van der Linden, bla bla bla. The free online game linked near the end is about a very obvious betting scam (plus some pokes at Elon Musk) that the game’s narrator thinks will take you by surprise.

    But such stuff isn’t what kept me googling for so long. It’s very common. (Even when it is – as so often – somewhat upper-crust, what.)

    No, what kept me googling was that the puffery for the Tower Hamlets event said that the event’s panel included ‘a Muslim beekeeper, a Buddhist playwright and a former Philosophy lecturer from the Quaker faith’ but never gave any further info about these panellists.

    I did eventually ID the Quaker (she isn’t actually a ‘former Philosophy lecturer’ but she did teach the subject at A-Level level for a while) but haven’t got very far with the Muslim beekeeper or the Buddhist playwright.

    I’m pretty sure that the latter isn’t Eve Leigh, the wealthy American Buddhist who called the police on BoJo, received an EU grant to write an anti-Brexit play and thinks that the ‘hugely ugly edifice of capitalist heteropatriarchy’ is blocking our view of the empty skies of summat (arty-farties with inherited wealth?) but she’s the only living London-based Buddhist playwright I could find.

    IDing the Muslim beekeeper had the opposite problem. There are loads of them in London.

    So…

    Global Learning London, Consortium of Development Education Centres Ltd, Coney Ltd, Tower Hamlets Council, Arts Council England, British Council, Erasmus and various billionaire trust funds: I’d like some clues, please.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Ron – thanks for your linked post & The Global Warming Policy Foundation link to the Ole Humlum report.

    seems Ole thinks –

    “The infuence of the Hunga Tonga-Hunga Ha’apai eruption January 2022 on atmospheric
    temperatures 2023 is still uncertain. This eruption released an enormous plume of water vapour
    into the Stratosphere, but any influence of this on atmospheric temperatures is not apparent
    (Figure17).”

    Like the sum up/end statement –

    “but the global climate has never been in a fully stable state without change.
    Modern observations show that this behaviour continuese today; there is no evidence of a global
    climate crisis”

    Like

  17. Vinny, I meant to point out the incongruity of the “Free Palestine” card in what was ostensibly a climate change exercise, but forgot. Well spotted.

    ==

    I also meant to add a comment to the effect that the stories all came from the first few pages of a web search for “tackle climate change”.

    Like

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