“This is a crisis, a large crisis. In fact, it’s a twelve-story crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeted throughout; twenty-four hour porterage and an enormous sign on the roof saying ‘This is a Large Crisis’. Now get me two pencils and a pair of underpants.”

Captain Blackadder

Forgive me for bringing up Blackadder in this nation’s darkest hour, but it strikes me that our government’s plans for tackling climate change are going so well at the moment that I wonder if one of Baldrick’s cunning plans might have been a better option. At the very least, the ‘two pencils and a pair of underpants’ strategy is now beginning to look more sane than Alok Sharma’s, ‘just build more of the unreliable windfarms that got us into this mess in the first place’ solution. And if I am thinking that foreign objects stuffed up nostrils has a certain merit, you should be aware that I would not be alone. Take, for example, Cara Gregory, who according to her parents, Clare and Christian, is destined to be the next Greta Thunberg. As can be seen from her image posted in the Daily Mail, the Blackadder plan features prominently in her ideas for combatting the evils of carbon dioxide:

The back-story behind this disturbing image is that Clare and Christian Gregory have taken their beloved seven-year-old out of school because she wasn’t learning enough about climate change. Thankfully, she is now in the arms of her mother, who seems to think she knows exactly what is required to turn Cora into Greta’s worthy successor. Apparently, just three hours a day, covering subjects such as chicken-rearing and ‘permaculture’, are all that is required. The rest is spent communing with nature:

And if you would like to see the importance that learning the sciences will play in our proto-Greta’s education, vide this:

Clare carefully explains: “Cora is learning through everyday life, how to succeed and thrive and be a future green change-maker without her necessarily realising it yet at this young age.

However, without a hint of irony, Clare goes on to say that Cora’s dream job is simply to be a postwoman, “Which I think illustrates quite effectively that we are not forcing the need to ‘be’ anything on her”.

Of course not Clare. That’s already quite obvious from the books you give Cora to read:

Just a word to the wise though, Clare. No self-respecting, future green change-maker would be seen dead without a catchphrase. Greta’s was, “How dare you?” Might I suggest that Cora’s could be “Wibble, wibble”?

11 Comments

  1. Boris has just announced that the crisis:

    “… is fundamentally caused by the global economy coming to life again: the guy ropes are pinging off Gulliver and it’s standing up, and it’s going to take a while, as it were, for the circulation to adjust.” 

    And all with two rolls of gold-embossed wallpaper stuffed up his nose.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reading further is some nice irony:

    Clare gave up her job as childbirth educator to teach Cora full-time, so the family are supported by Christian’s job as a Customer Services Manager at Manchester Airport.

    This is conflicting for them, as air travel is such a large contributor to climate change.

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  3. Potentilla,

    Yes, indeed. They seem to be using their daughter as some sort of carbon offset scheme.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. The front page of today’s Metro had “CRISIS? WATT CRISIS?” plastered all over it. (Perhaps more in hope than expectation that this whiff of days gone might rub off on Boris.)

    Meanwhile, Kwasi came to the House to deny that there would be any power cuts this winter, and that any suggestion that there might be was alarmism. But why would the gov’t feel forced to deny that there was a possibility of power cuts… unless there genuinely *was* a possibility of power cuts?

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  5. For me, I think possibly the most worrying part of the story of Cara’s home-schooling is the way in which the authorities seem to think it’s fine (I assume they must do, otherwise it’s difficult to imagine the parents being so happy about all the press interest – if there was a problem, I imagine they’d keep their heads down instead).

    I wonder what would happen if parents took their child out of school because they were concerned at the level of climate-change brainwashing going on every day at school, and as part of their home-schooling plan they proposed teaching their child about things like thinking for themselves; facts; understanding that often there are at least two sides to an argument; that sort of thing? I suspect the authorities wouldn’t permit it.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Oh dear, I seem to have liked my own comment. It’s incompetence on my part, not narcissism, I hasten to explain. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Mark,

    >”For me, I think possibly the most worrying part of the story of Cara’s home-schooling is the way in which the authorities seem to think it’s fine”

    My wife and I were having that same conversation yesterday. She wondered whether the authorities should take a dim view, and I said that they wouldn’t dare. The fact that the moral case for climate change action is now deemed sufficient to overturn all other cases for justice is another of the problems that Alan and I can add to our list of despondencies.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. What is even more fascinating is to see Harrow and Eton Schools fall over themselves in achieving ever greater greenness and with outreach programmes (local and global) to spread greenness to the great unwashed. What a relief to discover that our future prime ministers will all have been suitably indoctrinated climatewise. Our future is safe.

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  9. Quote: “What is even more fascinating is to see Harrow and Eton Schools fall over themselves in achieving ever greater greenness and with outreach programmes (local and global) to spread greenness to the great unwashed.*

    I imagine this will consist of, e.g. lecturing the local oiks on how morally reprehensible it would be for them (but not for “us”) to fly off for their holidays in the sun. And if moral blackmail doesn’t work, they’ll get Bozza to hoik up the price of PCR tests again, and make the holidays unaffordable.

    Like

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