“This is a crisis, a large crisis. In fact, it’s a twelve-story crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeted throughout; twenty-four hour porterage and an enormous sign on the roof saying ‘This is a Large Crisis’. Now get me two pencils and a pair of underpants.”Captain Blackadder
Forgive me for bringing up Blackadder in this nation’s darkest hour, but it strikes me that our government’s plans for tackling climate change are going so well at the moment that I wonder if one of Baldrick’s cunning plans might have been a better option. At the very least, the ‘two pencils and a pair of underpants’ strategy is now beginning to look more sane than Alok Sharma’s, ‘just build more of the unreliable windfarms that got us into this mess in the first place’ solution. And if I am thinking that foreign objects stuffed up nostrils has a certain merit, you should be aware that I would not be alone. Take, for example, Cara Gregory, who according to her parents, Clare and Christian, is destined to be the next Greta Thunberg. As can be seen from her image posted in the Daily Mail, the Blackadder plan features prominently in her ideas for combatting the evils of carbon dioxide:
The back-story behind this disturbing image is that Clare and Christian Gregory have taken their beloved seven-year-old out of school because she wasn’t learning enough about climate change. Thankfully, she is now in the arms of her mother, who seems to think she knows exactly what is required to turn Cora into Greta’s worthy successor. Apparently, just three hours a day, covering subjects such as chicken-rearing and ‘permaculture’, are all that is required. The rest is spent communing with nature:
And if you would like to see the importance that learning the sciences will play in our proto-Greta’s education, vide this:
Clare carefully explains: “Cora is learning through everyday life, how to succeed and thrive and be a future green change-maker without her necessarily realising it yet at this young age.”
However, without a hint of irony, Clare goes on to say that Cora’s dream job is simply to be a postwoman, “Which I think illustrates quite effectively that we are not forcing the need to ‘be’ anything on her”.
Of course not Clare. That’s already quite obvious from the books you give Cora to read:
Just a word to the wise though, Clare. No self-respecting, future green change-maker would be seen dead without a catchphrase. Greta’s was, “How dare you?” Might I suggest that Cora’s could be “Wibble, wibble”?