As reported by Mark here, teh Guardian was only too pleased to swallow and regurgitate a breathless press release claiming that fossil fuel lobbyists were infesting COP30, which is nominally about terminating them and their ilk, professionally I mean.

“Fossil fuel lobbyists outnumber all Cop30 delegations except Brazil,” said that once-august organ. One in every 25 participants is a fossil fuel lobbyist; as Mark said, who are the other 96%?

Seeing that this anti-lobbyist lobby group had access to the individual-level data on COP attendees, I realised it must now be findable in the darkest recesses of the web, and thought I would take a look to see if I could find the claimed 1600 fossil fuel lobbyists in the PLOP (“Provisional List of Participants,” stupidly).

Well, it was difficult. The PLOP spreadsheet spreads (oozes, maybe) across several tabs, and if you search “oil” in the NGOs table (~11,000 people), the only relevant hit was a lone, and presumably terrified, individual from the International Association of Oil and Gas Producers. Other hits on “oil” included Oil Change International, with 11 delegates, furiously lobbying for the heads of lobbyists such as those from the International Association of Oil and Gas Producers to be placed on sticks (metaphorically speaking, I’m sure). The only other mention of “oil” was in relation to the Brazilian Association of Vegetable Oil Industries – who were probably vigorously demanding their products be used for “sustainable” jet fuel, at the expense of thousands more square kilometres of the “lungs of the planet.”

This was no fun. So, I decided to darken the door of the formerly well-respected newspaper, and see if they linked to the press release, and see if it in turn linked to a list of those they had apprehended black-handed in the halls of power. Well, it did. The outfit behind the story – whose name is going to go down in history – no it’s not, it’s going to sink without a trace, with perhaps a gusting bubble of its innate stupidity popping at the surface, with an accompanying transient pong, is called “Kick Big Polluters Out.”

Here is how their press release begins:

BELEM, BRAZIL 14th November 2025: New analysis reveals more than 1600 fossil fuel lobbyists have been granted access to the COP30 climate talks in Belém, marking yet another year of overwhelming industry presence at crucial climate negotiations, according to the Kick Big Polluters Out (KBPO) coalition.

Further down, the release disintegrates into the standard of reasoning you might expect at junior school:

Fossil fuel lobbyists outnumber official delegates from the Philippines by nearly 50 to 1 – even while the country is being hit by devastating typhoons as the UN climate talks are underway. Fossil fuel lobbyists sent more than 40 times the number of people than Jamaica, which is still reeling from Hurricane Melissa.

Actually, the press release is a marvel from nose to tail fin; I recommend reading the entirety, since we all need cheering up in the dark week before the Budget. I chortled at this non-sequitur:

Some KBPO members drew parallels between fossil fuel industry presence at COP and fossil fueled violence around the world. “The fossil fuel industry and the Israel colonial regime are two sides of the same coin of destruction,” said Ana Sánchez of Global Energy Embargo for Palestine (GEEP).

Square that circle if you can. Coin of destruction? I cannot omit this beautiful piece of reasoning from someone whose role is apparently “co-focal point” (what do you do? Oh, I’m a co-focal point):

“At the 10th anniversary of the Paris Agreement we, the people, need to be consulted on how to close the ambition gap left by Parties to reach the Agreement’s central target of 1.5°C, said KBPO member Pat Bohland, LIFE, co-focal point of the Women and Gender Constituency. “Instead, feminists are once again outnumbered eight times by lobbyists, representing the fossil, exploitative system continuing petro-masculinities and patriarchy. Being invited to Belém in the state of Para means to us fighting industries that are exploiting territories, nature and the bodies of women and gender diverse folks and to lead us into a truly just and sustainable future.”

It seems that these nefarious fossil fuel lobbyists are up to no good indeed at Belém. [The missing close-quotes is their mistake, not mine.]

Anyway, I got their spreadsheet, and looked through it. What did I find? Naturally, I only had to find a single non-fossil fuel lobbyist in the list of 1600 to call the whole thing a crock of whipped-up green hysteria. (I should invent a cocktail called “green hysteria.”) Well, I found more than one. In fact… I found rather more than a few. The first fossil fuel lobbyists that jumped off the spreadsheet at me:

9 delegates from Anglo American. This is a mining corp, and as everyone knows, we no longer need mining now that we are transitioning from civilisation to excessively-polite savagery.

Now, my NGO pivot table has no entries under “Anglo American.” Are they attached to NGOs? If so, which ones? Yes. Some of them.

3 Anglo Americans are attached to the International Chambers of Commerce.

That’s all for NGOs. Now, I’m going to have to go through the other sheets to find 6 more.

Parties overflow:

1 from Brazil’s delegation;

4 from Chile’s delegation.

Special agencies and organisations overflow:

1 from the International Atomic Energy Agency.

And that accounts for all 9 of Anglo American’s presence. Obviously, we will need mining in our green utopia. Obviously, you cannot badge Anglo American as fossil fuel lobbyists. One of them is there with the IAEA for Gaia’s sake. Uranium mining is not fossil fuel extraction. Two of AA’s Chilean delegates are from “corporate affairs and sustainability.”

A few of the other “fossil fuel lobbyist” organisations that jumped out of the spreadsheet:

Various banks.

Bayer.

The Brazilian Business Council for Sustainable Development

The Carbon Capture and Storage Association (slyly trying to keep pumping the black stuff, then hiding its dregs under the carpet).

The Centre for Climate and Energy Solutions

COSCO Shipping – we won’t be needing international shipping

Danone – ditto yoghurt?

DP World – from the UK’s delegation – they run ports.

EDF

Electrolux

Equinor – yes, they do fossil fuels, but also, wind power.

Global Renewables Alliance

Global Wind Energy Council

Hitachi Energy

Hydrogen Council

Iberdrola

International Hydrogen Fuel Cell Association

Japan Tobacco International

Microsoft

Mitsubishi

National Grid (The UK’s National Grid, with four delegates shamed as fossil fuel lobbyists, part of our national delegation!)

Octopus Energy – another five of our delegation, apparently there to lobby for more fossil fuel extraction?

Orsted (a company with no connection to renewables, seemingly)

Siemens

Volkswagen

WindEurope

World Climate Foundation

Probably, if you screwed your eyes up tightly, you could make out about half of the 1600 as having more than the most tenuous connection to fossil fuels. Generously, 1 in 50 of the total delegates are fossil fools.

How many are batting for the other side? Well, it would be too tiresome to calculate, but here are just a few of the other NGOs present, in descending order of their muster, with more than 10 delegates:

Climate Action Network International 64

International Emissions Trading Association 60

Global Legislators for a Balanced Environment International 48

WWF 48

Institute for Climate and Society 47

Greenpeace International 45

European Climate Foundation 18

Friends of the Environment Fighting Climate Change 18

/message ends

PS. If you’re wondering, I see about 20 from the BBC.

PPS. The spreadsheet is telling me it’s unsynched: there have been updates. Maybe that group – whatever it was called, the one that won’t go down in history – has culled some of the more ridiculous lines?