2015 smashes the record for climate bullshit

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The official numbers are now in for 2015 and it’s been confirmed by all independent sources that levels of climate bullshit in 2015 shattered the record of previous years.  Globally, over 59 million pieces of climate bullshit were produced in 2015.  This was well above the previous record set in 2013 following the publication of the latest report from the International Panel of Climate Crap.

“Levels of climate bullshit have literally smashed the record books by miles this year,” said Professor Gareth Schidt of NBSB (National Bureau of Science Bullshit) , “and there can now be no doubt that human activity is to blame”.

Previous research had suggested that climate bullshit might have paused, or even stopped, but after the data had been adjusted correctly by expert analysts it became clear that there had been no slowdown at all—if anything, climate bullshit is likely accelerating.

“By running the models again using faster computers, we were able to show that claims about a plateau in bullshit were, in fact, bullshit in and of themselves,” said Schidt.

“Which is kind of ironic,” he bullshitted.

2015 was an El Copo year, and so the unprecedented levels of hype building up to the Paris conference in December may have been a significant factor in the record-breaking levels of bullshit.  But according to Schidt, the bullshit record would probably still have been broken without the COP21 meeting.

A spokesman for the British Bullshit Corporation denied rumours that its own correspondent Robert Hairbrain was a significant contributor to 2015 BS levels.

Experts have warned that Government targets to reduce climate bullshit emissions to 80% of 1990 levels by 2030 may now be in jeopardy.

8 thoughts on “2015 smashes the record for climate bullshit

  1. 97% of Bulls agree. (Especially in Spain, says Matt Ador).

    Meanwhile back in the real world, an Indian writer on climate issues has discovered that humans breathe out CO2:

    http://www.catchnews.com/environment-news/red-signals-green-hopes-5-eco-warriors-debate-what-it-will-take-to-save-the-planet-at-jlf-1453389366.html

    Alex Shoumatoff, writer and journalist…”warns, at an individual level, of our own inability to assess the damage each of us wreaks on the environment. (by breathing!).

    “I recently found out that each of us breathes 25,000 times a day. Multiply that by 1.25 billion (for India). That’s the level of our own implication.”

    But fear not, the situation will be resolved with more coal for India:

    Former Environment Minister Ramesh – More Coal needed:

    “According to Jairam Ramesh, “In the next 30 years, we’ll be four hundred million more (than our current 1.2 billion population).

    That means even if we move to solar energy by making it price-competitive, we’ll still have to double, maybe triple our current consumption of coal energy.”

    In the UK, we will make room for a tiny fraction of this extra coal usage, by closing down our few remaining coal fired power stations and if it gets cold enough, maybe enough people will stop breathing to really “make a difference”.

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  2. The science of Bovine Scatology has warned that without spend trillions on repellent, the world will suffer the 6th mass ex-stink-shun.

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  3. Meanwhile, CO2 in sea water has formed an incredibly strong acid which is dissolving the planet.
    BREAKING NEWS: at COP21, several delegates were overheard declining offers of sparkling mineral water, on the basis that it would dissolve their innards. It is believed that the fossil fuel industry planted sparkling water in an effort to assassinate hard-working, honest, tax-payer funded scientists. As there were so few of these in attendance cf the shit load of politicians, bureaucrats, NGO reps, media folk and celebrities, the plot would likely have failed, harming instead some of these uninnocent grandstanders.
    A cast iron constitution for swallowing all the cAGW bullshit is no protection against this highly corrosive acid cocktail, thought to have included di-hydrogen monoxide (compounded by the fact that is was neither ethically sourced or organically certified.)

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  4. Have no fear the Manure Movers of America are on the Job!

    Join us in removing the manure.

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  5. if anything, climate bullshit is likely accelerating

    Well that was certainly the past experience of the man who runs the numberwatch website.

    The time it takes to process a new entry increases approximately with the square of the list length, after
    checking for duplications, spoofs etc. Starting it was based on the naïve assumption that the rate of appearances would decline as opposing evidence accumulated, but the reverse happened. That’s the difference between science and religion. It was taking over my life, which I did not want to end as a garbage collector. There have since been hundreds more claims of an increasingly ludicrous nature.

    http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/warmlist.htm

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  6. I think I have spotted a typo: “El Copro year”, surely? From the Greek, kopros – dung or excrement.

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