Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Islamophobia But Were Afraid of Muslims

TRIGGER WARNING

The following post contains imagery of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) being escorted, shriek­ing and fouling Himself in terror, to the Underworld—apparently by a sort of demon—for a lengthy dental procedure.

Many Islamophobic traditions require the avoidance of all depictions of the founder of Islam. If this is you, don’t look at it, just read the words.

We apologise to our Islamophobic readers for any discomfort, and would like to assure everyone on the Internet that we respect them, to the extent humanly possible.

Nothing binds the entire deniosphere tighter than the blind opposition we share to whatever the United Nations does with its overweening authority. After all, our common hat­red for the supranational classe politique is why most of us got into the rejecting-scientific-facts game in the first place, and why any self-affirming denier would sooner die of septicaemia from a polar-bear maul­ing than give those bastiches in Turtle Bay the satisfaction of admitting what we all know is true, deep down, in our heart of hearts.

(Namely: that The Science™ is absolutely kosher and terrifyingly persuasive; and that if it’s guilty of anything at all, which it isn’t, it’s an all-too-human tendency to under-exaggerate the devastation ‘locked in’ with every new p.p.m. of carbon pollution* we chunder forth.)

There’s a reason no other institution since the Roman imperium has been trusted with the power to invent new weeks out of thin air. Well, OK, maybe the Medi­eval papacy; but where are they now?

Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and what power could be more powerful than the power to manipulate the calendar itself—to literally molest time?

This time, however, even I, Scepticus I, must admit the UN has used its mutant abilities for good. (I guess a broken calendar really is right twice a year.)

I refer to Secretary-General Guterres’ announcement of International Islamophobia Awareness Week [IIAW], which will replace the week of September 11 through 17… as I’m sure you’re all perfectly aware, thanks to the success of this month’s International Islamophobia Awareness Week Awareness Month [IIAWAM] events, which have already raised a record number of awarenesses around the issues, challenges and prejudices facing ordinary Islamophobia Awareness Weeks in today’s modern society now.

Mohamet_and_Devil_Bologna


A rare shot of the Prophet Muhammad PBUH, autographed by Him. The Arabian businessman was an intensely private person Who seldom agreed to an interview or even a quick portrait.

Islamophobia is an issue close to our hearts here at CliScep. Not only has it been linked to the deaths of a handful of people since 2001, most of them Sikhs—which makes it infinity times more lethal than silly old global warming ha ha ha—but one of our writers has personally struggled with the diagnosis since his late teens.

To honour the remainder of IIAWAM we’ll be reblogging on an irregular basis, for your improvement, the very best media coverage of the illness.

Our first pick is a Guardian article featuring every sceptic’s favourite thinker from the field of Punitive Psychology.

Look for it in tomorrow’s CliScep.

You probably won’t find it, but never mind—it’ll be up by the end of the week, latest.

Your leader,
Gaius Augustus Scepticinianus Caesar I,
known as Scepticus the God or Scepticus Modestus


*Note to non-scientists: carbon pollution is simply a fancy way of saying carbon dioxide. Scientists love to add letters to words, completely praeter necessitatem, as a way of obscuring their meaning, coping with turning 50 and making themselves sound smarter than they are—and as a science blog, we obviously do the same.

Don’t judge them too harshly; remember, scientists don’t receive any training in communication, only in dissimulation and crypticness. This situation is finally changing, of course, thanks to the climate-science movement, the first discipline to truly grasp the need for clarity and candor so as to empower you, the layperson, to come to your own conclusions armed with as much information as possible.

But these improvements take time—the climate movement can’t just snap its fingers and change how scientists speak English overnight, or even in one generation. It would be wonderful if they could, but they just don’t have that kind of influence.

Anyway so yeah, next time you see the word pollution, don’t get perplexed: it’s just a longer, more sciency, technical word for dioxide (-O2), the anion you’re so familiar with.

On behalf of science, sorry for the confusion.

16 thoughts on “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Islamophobia But Were Afraid of Muslims

  1. ‘Islamophobia’

    Difficult to improve upon Pat Condell’s analysis of this ‘mental condition’. I wonder if he’s done something similar on ‘climate denial’?

    Like

  2. Jaime,

    also, I think the politically correct term is ‘climate kafirism,’ or (to appease the Arabic Nazis) ‘climate kufr.’

    We do live in a multicultural world, so, you know, a bit of euphemism never killed anyone.

    It probably prevented a few killings.
    🙂

    Like

  3. We’ll be encouraged by the mass outpouring of support for the victims and condemnation of the terrorist by Muslim leaders….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Honouring IIAWAM: ‘A social history of fear and loathing’ | Climate Scepticism

  5. Alan,
    The media, politicians, celebrities and left-leaning liberal types appear to be suffering terribly from Islamophobia phobia. Speaking for myself, I’m definitely afflicted by a serious case of Islamopobiaphobia phobia.

    Like

  6. Any advance on Jaime’s affliction? How many phobias does it take to metamorphose into a phylia?

    Like

  7. Oh boy. Satan, or his henchman, looks pretty pissed off. We’d better be careful.

    Like

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